Reviewing Reviews

It's review time at work again. Time to back fill another set of criteria retrospectively. If you're unfamiliar with large corporate management ideology it operates on merit based rewards, matching the company goals to that of your own, making objectives and reporting on them about this time every year. My ass in other words. A whole department has grown around the process. The process of monitoring progress. What was wrong with sticky gold stars? I'm sure we all fit into the Gaussian distribution, but what says +3sigma like a chart full of gold stars.

So I'm stuck with providing examples of how I have been Customer Orientated or contributed to Team Synergy. Yes, Team Synergy. It's become epidemic. Every reasonably sized organisation has bought in these people who justify their jobs by creating ever more inappropriate forms for me to fill in.
There is no need. I will make your form.

Is he/she a Great Bunch Of Lads?
Yes/No
[Delete as appropriate]

Yes, and receive an inflation based pay rise. No, fuck all.