100% All New Beef - Same Old Shit

Where the bloody hell was the Beef? Consistency is the refuge of the unimaginative. I'd been on a long train journey and came off the rails. The Big Man collared me aff. Luckily I jumped a passing wagon only to promptly fall off. So now I'm just kicking stones up a dusty road. If you don't know where you're going any direction will do - but I'm a clever fellow. Roads go somewhere.

Take the yellow brick road. I'd like to meet the scarecrow and torch the fucker. He was a tout. Farewell yellow brick road and welcome back to my journey. To make it home you need to click your red heels while repeating "There's no place like home." So true.

However, I use real technology. With a little help from the Buckfast GPS I was back in the beautiful city of Edinburgh only to be horrified by what I saw.

What the hell happened here? Is this the fall of Rome? No. Some detached city council took a big fucking knife, and left a rotting bleeding torso in the bushes.

Now we commute on buses via the dismembered limbs of our city on an inflated fare and painfully slow service. Now I know the difference between fare and fair. Grant Stott has done well out of it as he's still the face of Ridacard. For those who don't know, Grant Stott is the big faced brother of John Lesley. Similarly to the city, the advertisement no longer shows his body. It must have cost extra.


It is also more confusing to use these buses of rage. So I need to be in the yellow zone, stop YG then race across town in GTA fashion to the next stop, red faced zone stop FOAD. I can only move in eight directions as this is the first GTA. I'm nearly out of time. Fuck I've missed it. Fuck this I'm taking this bus. Get out. Now I'm driving in the rush hour...